Soon I’ll Undergo A Breast Augmentation

I endured a testosterone driven puberty
One that nearly irrecoverably broke me
But somehow I came out and
Tolled the world I’m transgender female
So now to lessen my dysphoria
Further lessen my crippling gender dysphoria
And bring my more gender congruence
Bring my even more gender congruence
Soon I’ll undergo a breast augmentation

I Don’t Take Estrogen Just To Alleviate My Gender Dysphoria

I don’t take estrogen just to alleviate my gender dysphoria
I also take it to help increase my gender congruence

I don’t just wanna feel not bad about my gender
I also wanna feel it in a way that’s euphoric

I wanna get to a place where my gender it’s
It’s become one less thing that’s constantly nagging at me

My gender it’s one of the things nagging at me
It’s one of the things that’s constantly nagging at me

I don’t take estrogen just to alleviate my gender dysphoria
I also take it to help increase my gender congruence

Oh What Should Have I Done

Having kids ain’t in my future
‘Cause I let that ability go
So I’d have more congruence and
Now I love my body more
But also feel bad that I’m
Now just a genetic dead end
But what could have I done
Other then me becoming monetarily rich
Becoming monetarily rich was always really
So very out of my reach
Oh what could have I done
Oh what should have I done

My Journey

Wanna look in my mirror and
See the best of true me
Being reflected in the image that
Is being reflected back at me
That would be so damn sweet
Would be so truly damn sweet

But I gotta keep telling myself
It’s more of a journey then
It ever will be a race
It’ll never ever be a race
‘Cause it’s a long slow crawl
It’s quite a long slow crawl

May never get to a place
One that I can with truth
Say is my destination finally reached
But then there’s my journey and
It’s the best and worst thing
That I’ll ever get to do

I’m Her And She’s Me

Still trying to put together
A relatable image that I
Can see in the mirror
And be comfortable enough to
Go take out and about
But letting people see what
I’ve got it just reminds
Me how far I’ve still
To go to get her
On to my own face

I’m her and she’s me
A person stained by testosterone
Some of what it did
Well it can be undone
But the rest it’s permanent
And my biggest scar
What I’ve got it reminds
Me how far I’ve still
To go to get her
On to my own face

My Replacement Hormones

You’re keeping my anxiety at bay
By making my mood fairly stable
You’re pushing my dark thoughts aside

If only I could get you
To move past bringing me stability
And to bringing me near euphoria

Then I’d be closer to more congruence
As well as to needed healing
And I’m really needing some healing

The Best Me I Can Be

I’m more broken and less broken
Then when I was a kid
I’ve less completeness and more congruence
Then when I was a kid
I don’t wanna be a kid
Ever hafta be a kid again
‘Cause being a kid was hard
But being an adult is hard
Being an adult is also hard
Just wanna be the best me
The best me I can be
That’s a me that’s over all
The bullying that I’ve received
When I was being a kid
I thought I could’ve gone farther
Gone much farther than I’ve gone
I’ve gone so much farther than
When I was being a kid
I was the obviously different kid
And the invisibly different kid simultaneously
I’ve always been trying to be
Just trying to be the best
The best me I can be
The best me I can be

I’m more broken and less broken
Then when I was a kid
I’ve less completeness and more congruence
Then when I was a kid
I do wanna be a kid
Go and be a kid again
But only with my current ability
To explain and express my gender
‘Cause I’d wanna be the best
The best me I can be
That’s a me that’ll be able
To handle the bullying I’d receive
When I’m being a kid again
I’d get to go farther than
Go much farther than I’ve gone
Wile having to be an adult
I’ve gone way less farther than
When I’m being a kid again
I’ll be the obviously different kid
And never the invisibly different kid
I’d always be trying to be
Just trying to be the best
The best me I can be
The best me I can be

Just trying to be the best
The best me I can be
The best me I can be

I Never Thought I Should Die

I never thought I should die
‘Cause I never thought I knew
What it was to feel ok

And I want to feel what
It is like to feel ok
Ok in this body of mine

My mind has always seemed ok
Till it got signals from my
My body has never felt ok

So soon I am going under
Under the knife to make some
Of my body finally feel ok

It will hurt first then it
It will start to feel insignificant
Insignificant for the first time ever

This will be some sweet relief
Relief that has been long overdue
Long overdue in coming my way

I’m Not A Mess

Tell me that I
Am on the path
To having congruence with
My gender and sex

Tell me that my
Mind’ll stop its thinking
About the incongruence with
My gender and sex

Tell me that I
Will be more then
Just a total mess
I’m not a mess

I’m just far from
Where I needa be
But I’ll get there
It’ll take only time

And me taking my
HRT tablets every evening
Without thoughts of ever
Going and giving up

Tell me that I
Am on the path
To having congruence with
My gender and sex

Tell me that my
Mind’ll stop its thinking
About the incongruence with
My gender and sex

Tell me that I
Will be more then
Just a total mess
I’m not a mess

I’m not a mess

But Eventually I Will Get To Where I Needa Be

I see and feel my physical body changing every day
But some days it seems it is not fast enough
And that still my first puberty it is too visible
But then I notice how my clothes now fit differently
And for a moment I no longer feel so bad

But eventually I will get to where I needa be
And it will take lots and lots of my energy
And yes it will bring me down along the way
But it will also along the way lift me up
And make me feel so much better about being myself

I notice the thoughts in my head changing every day
But some days it seems they are not fast enough
And that still I worry about things like being bullied
But then I realize those are thing from my past
And for a moment I no longer feel so bad

I notice the thoughts in my head changing every day
But some days it seems they are not fast enough
And that still I worry about things like my j-pouch
And I realize that they are not in my past
And for a moment again I do go feel bad