Tag Archives: gender congruence

I Never Thought I Should Die

I never thought I should die
‘Cause I never thought I knew
What it was to feel ok

And I want to feel what
It is like to feel ok
Ok in this body of mine

My mind has always seemed ok
Till it got signals from my
My body has never felt ok

So soon I am going under
Under the knife to make some
Of my body finally feel ok

It will hurt first then it
It will start to feel insignificant
Insignificant for the first time ever

This will be some sweet relief
Relief that has been long overdue
Long overdue in coming my way

I’m Not A Mess

Tell me that I
Am on the path
To having congruence with
My gender and sex

Tell me that my
Mind’ll stop its thinking
About the incongruence with
My gender and sex

Tell me that I
Will be more then
Just a total mess
I’m not a mess

I’m just far from
Where I needa be
But I’ll get there
It’ll take only time

And me taking my
HRT tablets every evening
Without thoughts of ever
Going and giving up

Tell me that I
Am on the path
To having congruence with
My gender and sex

Tell me that my
Mind’ll stop its thinking
About the incongruence with
My gender and sex

Tell me that I
Will be more then
Just a total mess
I’m not a mess

I’m not a mess

But Eventually I Will Get To Where I Needa Be

I see and feel my physical body changing every day
But some days it seems it is not fast enough
And that still my first puberty it is too visible
But then I notice how my clothes now fit differently
And for a moment I no longer feel so bad

But eventually I will get to where I needa be
And it will take lots and lots of my energy
And yes it will bring me down along the way
But it will also along the way lift me up
And make me feel so much better about being myself

I notice the thoughts in my head changing every day
But some days it seems they are not fast enough
And that still I worry about things like being bullied
But then I realize those are thing from my past
And for a moment I no longer feel so bad

But eventually I will get to where I needa be
And it will take lots and lots of my energy
And yes it will bring me down along the way
But it will also along the way lift me up
And make me feel so much better about being myself

I notice the thoughts in my head changing every day
But some days it seems they are not fast enough
And that still I worry about things like my j-pouch
And I realize that they are not in my past
And for a moment again I do go feel bad

But eventually I will get to where I needa be
And it will take lots and lots of my energy
And yes it will bring me down along the way
But it will also along the way lift me up
And make me feel so much better about being myself

Me Receiving Ample Congruence (Between Mind And Body)

I get all sad and I do cry
When I think of the parts of me
That I can not ever get given back
And the parts I will never be able
Able to grow or have made for me
And it is no longer about having completeness
It is now about me receiving ample congruence
Me receiving ample congruence between mind and body

I Won’t Even Notice What Is Now Down There

They are going to give me
That chance to never again feel
That distress that I get when
I go put on my underwear
It makes me want to adjust
In hopes of making it disappear

They are going to reshape it
So I can begin to feel
No more distress when I go
I go put on my underwear
It will make me not even
Notice what is now down there

They are going to reshape it
Which will greatly help me continue
The process of being comfortable with
My physical form and with others and
When in unfamiliar group settings without
Noticing what is now down there

They are going to give me
That chance to never again feel
That distress that I get when
I go put on my underwear
It makes me want to adjust
In hopes of making it disappear

They are going to reshape it
So I can begin to feel
No more distress when I go
I go put on my underwear
It will make me not even
Notice what is now down there

They are going to reshape it
Which will greatly help me continue
The process of being comfortable with
My physical form and more congruent
With my mind’s thoughts which won’t
Notice what is now down there

I Won’t even notice what is now down there

Soon I Will Undergo A Vulvoplasty

I was to have a vaginoplasty
It would have turned my penis
Into my own vulva and vagina
But thanks to five past surgeries
Which left me with no colon
And small intestine with a j-pouch

I can only have a vulvoplasty
Which can only turn my penis
Into my vary own vulva which
Can not ever bring me completeness
But instead it will bring me
Bring me feelings of gender congruence

Ulcerative colitis was the reason for
My five past surgeries weren’t cosmetic
In fact they saved my life
If not for them I wouldn’t
Be able to have my penis
Even turned into my own vulva

Soon I will undergo a vulvoplasty