Tag Archives: serious

Sometimes I Don’t Trust Myself With Loving Me Fully

Sometimes I don’t trust myself with loving me fully
And that’s why sometimes I just let myself go
But every time I do this I end up
I end up loving myself less

Eat way too much of all the wrong things
Sometimes it’s ‘cause I don’t like how I look
Other times it’s ‘cause I can’t see any purpose
Any purpose to my own life

But in the back of my mind there’s always
A feeling that’s urging me to just carry on
As a result I’ve always gone and carried on
On to an uncertain new day

Sometimes I don’t trust myself with loving me fully
And that’s why sometimes I just let myself go
But every time I do this I end up
I end up loving myself less

Don’t eat enough or any of the right things
Sometimes it’s ‘cause I don’t like how I look
Other times it’s ‘cause I can’t see any purpose
Any purpose to my own life

But in the back of my mind there’s always
A feeling that’s urging me to just carry on
As a result I’ve always gone and carried on
On to an uncertain new day

Sometimes I don’t trust myself with loving me fully
And that’s why sometimes I just let myself go
But every time I do this I end up
I end up loving myself less

Stay up too late and get up to late
Sometimes it’s ‘cause I don’t like how I look
Other times it’s ‘cause I can’t see any purpose
Any purpose to my own life

But in the back of my mind there’s always
A feeling that’s urging my to just carry on
As a result I’ve always gone and carried on
On to an uncertain new day

Despite all the anxiety attacks that I’ve had and
The dark thoughts that’ve come into my own head
I’m still carrying on to an uncertain new day
On to an uncertain new day

The Best Me I Can Be

I’m more broken and less broken
Then when I was a kid
I’ve less completeness and more congruence
Then when I was a kid
I don’t wanna be a kid
Ever haft’a be a kid again
‘Cause being a kid was hard
But being an adult is hard
Being an adult is also hard
Just wanna be the best me
The best me I can be
That’s a me that’s over all
The bullying that I’ve received
When I was being a kid
I thought I could’ve gone farther
Gone much farther than I’ve gone
I’ve gone so much farther than
When I was being a kid
I was the obviously different kid
And the invisibly different kid simultaneously
I’ve always been trying to be
Just trying to be the best
The best me I can be
The best me I can be

I’m more broken and less broken
Then when I was a kid
I’ve less completeness and more congruence
Then when I was a kid
I do wanna be a kid
Go and be a kid again
But only with my current ability
To explain and express my gender
‘Cause I’d wanna be the best
The best me I can be
That’s a me that’ll be able
To handle the bullying I’d receive
When I’m being a kid again
I’d get to go farther than
Go much farther than I’ve gone
Wile having to be an adult
I’ve gone way less farther than
When I’m being a kid again
I’ll be the obviously different kid
And never the invisibly different kid
I’d always be trying to be
Just trying to be the best
The best me I can be
The best me I can be

Just trying to be the best
The best me I can be
The best me I can be

I Struggle

I struggle
Always struggled
I blessed
Always blessed
And through it all
I never wanted to
Go and give up
And end my life
One day I will
Find someone to love
Who will want to
Always love me back
And we
will go
And grow
Old together

Finally Fuelled By Estrogen

Testosterone is no longer my nemesis
‘Cause its production has been disassembled
And put in the garbage now
I am finally fuelled by estrogen
It comes in little tablets that
I take sublingually twice a day
It is all ‘cause they did
Make my outie into an innie

Daughters Like Us, Part Two

(Before reading Daughters Like Us, Part Two pleas make sure you have read Daughters Like Us, Part One first.)

Daughters like us
When we arrived
Into our adulthood
We got declared
Healthy young men
Yeah that’s right

We were always
Addressed as Mr.
Never as Ms.
Our dad’s tried
But we still
Couldn’t like football

And as a
Result we heard
Stinging words like
Just man up
Not ones like
Hello precious daughter

Daughters like us
When we arrived
Into our adulthood
We got declared
Healthy young men
Yeah that’s right

But there was
Nothing healthy about
Our deeply repressed
And deeply felt
Gender identities that
Desperately needed sharing

And as a
Result we broke
Down and told
You our truth
And finally heard
Hello precious daughter

Daughters Like Us, Part One

Daughters like us
When we arrived
Into this world
We got declared
Healthy baby boys
Yeah that’s right

We were always
Dressed in pants
Never in dresses
And our dads
Hoped we’d love
Sports like football

And as a
Result we had
First words like
Hut and ball
Not ones like
Hello precious daughter

Daughters like us
When we arrived
Into this world
We got declared
Healthy baby boys
Yeah that’s right

We were always
Dressed in vibrant
Never pink colours
‘Cause our progressive
Moms thought we
Were their sons

And as a
Result we’d only
Wear utilitarian clothes
‘Cause we gave
Up on hearing
Hello precious daughter

(After reading Daughters Like Us, Part One pleas make sure to read Daughters Like Us, Part Two.)

She’s Your Only Daughter

What you two didn’t
Know before was broken
You will now do
What you can to
Make it more better
For the one you
Love so very much
She’s your only daughter

You didn’t know that
She was your daughter
Till she told you
When she was thirty-two
And thank goodness that
The two of you
Both said that you
Still loved her lots

One of you will
Be there to see
Her off to surgery
And again in recovery
The other will be
Driving her back home
To be there for
Her further needed recovery

What you two didn’t
Know before was broken
You have now done
What you can to
Make it more better
For the one you
Love so very much
She’s your only daughter

She’s your only daughter

Hiding Behind A Face

I was hiding behind a face
One with a moustache and sideburns
Yes I had long hair ‘cause
I thought the Alan Jackson look
It would protect me like armour
But I was just being phony

I was one of the miserable
Most miserable kids in high school
Yes it was a total disaster
Well ‘cause I was going through
The wrong puberty and I was
A girl hiding in the closet

Sometimes the truth people see is
Not the truth you have inside
And if you fear sharing yours
It may be ‘cause you feel
You’ve already experienced to much bullying
To handle anymore in your life

But if this sounds like you
Don’t go and be like me
Instead go speak your truth out
‘Cause you’ll feel better if you
Get the chance to transition young
I wish I did transition young

But I hid behind a face
One with a moustache and sideburns
Yes I had long hair ‘cause
I thought the Alan Jackson look
It would protect me like armour
But I was just being phony

I’m Not A Mess

Tell me that I
Am on the path
To having congruence with
My gender and sex

Tell me that my
Mind’ll stop its thinking
About the incongruence with
My gender and sex

Tell me that I
Will be more then
Just a total mess
I’m not a mess

I’m just far from
Where I needa be
But I’ll get there
It’ll take only time

And me taking my
HRT tablets every evening
Without thoughts of ever
Going and giving up

Tell me that I
Am on the path
To having congruence with
My gender and sex

Tell me that my
Mind’ll stop its thinking
About the incongruence with
My gender and sex

Tell me that I
Will be more then
Just a total mess
I’m not a mess

I’m not a mess

But Eventually I Will Get To Where I Needa Be

I see and feel my physical body changing every day
But some days it seems it is not fast enough
And that still my first puberty it is too visible
But then I notice how my clothes now fit differently
And for a moment I no longer feel so bad

But eventually I will get to where I needa be
And it will take lots and lots of my energy
And yes it will bring me down along the way
But it will also along the way lift me up
And make me feel so much better about being myself

I notice the thoughts in my head changing every day
But some days it seems they are not fast enough
And that still I worry about things like being bullied
But then I realize those are thing from my past
And for a moment I no longer feel so bad

But eventually I will get to where I needa be
And it will take lots and lots of my energy
And yes it will bring me down along the way
But it will also along the way lift me up
And make me feel so much better about being myself

I notice the thoughts in my head changing every day
But some days it seems they are not fast enough
And that still I worry about things like my j-pouch
And I realize that they are not in my past
And for a moment again I do go feel bad

But eventually I will get to where I needa be
And it will take lots and lots of my energy
And yes it will bring me down along the way
But it will also along the way lift me up
And make me feel so much better about being myself