Her Name (It’s Still Devin)

Her name’s not Roberta but
If her parents had thought
Back when she was born
That she was a girl
Then it would’ve been that

Her name’s not Roberta but
If the doctor had thought
Back when she was born
That she was a girl
Then it would’ve been that

If her name was Roberta
She sourly would’ve learnt
All ‘bout what it means
To be a girl and
Not ‘bout being a boy

But her parents they named
Her Devin ‘cause they thought
Back when she was born
That she was a boy
But she was a girl

‘Cause she’s a girl and
Devin’s now a unisex name
And she likes that name
She’s till going by it
So her name’s still Devin

Her name it’s still Devin

Life’s Not Gonna Fly Away

Life’s not gonna fly away
It be coming back today
For us to experience again
Like we did at three

Life be like it was
Before school made it hard
It was filed with curiosity
Again it’ll be like that

And we’ll have a zest
For being the best version
Of ourselves that we can
And that’s an authentic person

My Gender’s A Bitch

My gender’s a bitch
Wish she’d come ‘round
More then things I did
When I tried guying

I’m way better now
But not fully ok
It’s a daily struggle
To resist old habits

Repression’s my bouncer who’s
Keeping me away from
Being any more authentically
More authentically me today

I’m way better now
But not fully ok
It’s a daily struggle
To resist old habits

Hope’s quite a derelict
Wish it come ‘round
More then things I did
When I tried guying

I’m way better now
But not fully ok
It’s a daily struggle
To resist old habits

Repression’s my bouncer who’s
Keeping me away from
Being any more authentically
More authentically me tonight

I’m way better now
But not fully ok
It’s a daily struggle
To resist old habits

A Hopeful Tomorrow

You’ll not do drugs
But you’ll do church
And one day it’ll
Not be to escape
Being bullied at school
But to find connection
With others and God
And you’ll trade the
Flaming chalice for the cross
And you’ll take your
Learning ‘bout your gender
And you’ll bring them
All along with you
Wile walking with Jesus
Cautiously towards the light
Of a hopeful tomorrow

A hopeful tomorrow

I Should’ve Come Out At Seven

I should’ve come out at seven
‘Cause my life have more heaven
In it if I’d said then
That I really think I’m so
Not a boy like you think
But I didn’t have the words
To say any of this then
So it took me till thirty-two
To tell what I new at fourteen
That I’m female and not male
I should’ve come out at seven
So should’ve come out at seven

Sometimes I Don’t Trust Myself With Loving Me Fully

Sometimes I don’t trust myself with loving me fully
And that’s why sometimes I just let myself go
But every time I do this I end up
I end up loving myself less

Eat way too much of all the wrong things
Sometimes it’s ‘cause I don’t like how I look
Other times it’s ‘cause I can’t see any purpose
Any purpose to my own life

But in the back of my mind there’s always
A feeling that’s urging me to just carry on
As a result I’ve always gone and carried on
On to an uncertain new day

Sometimes I don’t trust myself with loving me fully
And that’s why sometimes I just let myself go
But every time I do this I end up
I end up loving myself less

Don’t eat enough or any of the right things
Sometimes it’s ‘cause I don’t like how I look
Other times it’s ‘cause I can’t see any purpose
Any purpose to my own life

But in the back of my mind there’s always
A feeling that’s urging me to just carry on
As a result I’ve always gone and carried on
On to an uncertain new day

Sometimes I don’t trust myself with loving me fully
And that’s why sometimes I just let myself go
But every time I do this I end up
I end up loving myself less

Stay up too late and get up to late
Sometimes it’s ‘cause I don’t like how I look
Other times it’s ‘cause I can’t see any purpose
Any purpose to my own life

But in the back of my mind there’s always
A feeling that’s urging my to just carry on
As a result I’ve always gone and carried on
On to an uncertain new day

Despite all the anxiety attacks that I’ve had and
The dark thoughts that’ve come into my own head
I’m still carrying on to an uncertain new day
On to an uncertain new day

The Best Me I Can Be

I’m more broken and less broken
Then when I was a kid
I’ve less completeness and more congruence
Then when I was a kid
I don’t wanna be a kid
Ever haft’a be a kid again
‘Cause being a kid was hard
But being an adult is hard
Being an adult is also hard
Just wanna be the best me
The best me I can be
That’s a me that’s over all
The bullying that I’ve received
When I was being a kid
I thought I could’ve gone farther
Gone much farther than I’ve gone
I’ve gone so much farther than
When I was being a kid
I was the obviously different kid
And the invisibly different kid simultaneously
I’ve always been trying to be
Just trying to be the best
The best me I can be
The best me I can be

I’m more broken and less broken
Then when I was a kid
I’ve less completeness and more congruence
Then when I was a kid
I do wanna be a kid
Go and be a kid again
But only with my current ability
To explain and express my gender
‘Cause I’d wanna be the best
The best me I can be
That’s a me that’ll be able
To handle the bullying I’d receive
When I’m being a kid again
I’d get to go farther than
Go much farther than I’ve gone
Wile having to be an adult
I’ve gone way less farther than
When I’m being a kid again
I’ll be the obviously different kid
And never the invisibly different kid
I’d always be trying to be
Just trying to be the best
The best me I can be
The best me I can be

Just trying to be the best
The best me I can be
The best me I can be

My Reflective Response to Psalm 139:13-16

“For You have created my conscience.
You knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise You, for I am awesomely, wonderfully made!
Wonderful are Your works—
and my soul knows that very well.
My frame was not hidden from You
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw me when I was unformed,
and in Your book were written the days that were formed—
when not one of them had come to be.”
(Psalm 139:13-16 Tree of Life Version)

My conscience she knew Your creation before she knew You, and You knew me before I was to know of the life journey I was to go on.
You knew my journey was to be a unique expression of Your love, and Your love gives me strength to carry on.
Even when I get anxious or feel uncomfortable with my body, Your love it is what ultimately gives me strength to carry on.
I know that even when hatred is spewed my way and disease gets ravaged upon my body, that it is Your love that will ultimately give me strength to carry on.
For it is the knowledge that I have of the fact that I and my journey are both expressions of who You are that I never ever had the thought of opting out.
And I Know my journey it was written in Your book even before any of it had come to be.

Finally Fuelled By Estrogen

Testosterone is no longer my nemesis
‘Cause its production has been disassembled
And put in the garbage now
I am finally fuelled by estrogen
It comes in little tablets that
I take sublingually twice a day
It is all ‘cause they did
Make my outie into an innie