Tag Archives: gender dysphoria

I Never Thought I Should Die

I never thought I should die
‘Cause I never thought I knew
What it was to feel ok

And I want to feel what
It is like to feel ok
Ok in this body of mine

My mind has always seemed ok
Till it got signals from my
My body has never felt ok

So soon I am going under
Under the knife to make some
Of my body finally feel ok

It will hurt first then it
It will start to feel insignificant
Insignificant for the first time ever

This will be some sweet relief
Relief that has been long overdue
Long overdue in coming my way

I’m Not A Mess

Tell me that I
Am on the path
To having congruence with
My gender and sex

Tell me that my
Mind’ll stop its thinking
About the incongruence with
My gender and sex

Tell me that I
Will be more then
Just a total mess
I’m not a mess

I’m just far from
Where I needa be
But I’ll get there
It’ll take only time

And me taking my
HRT tablets every evening
Without thoughts of ever
Going and giving up

Tell me that I
Am on the path
To having congruence with
My gender and sex

Tell me that my
Mind’ll stop its thinking
About the incongruence with
My gender and sex

Tell me that I
Will be more then
Just a total mess
I’m not a mess

I’m not a mess

But Eventually I Will Get To Where I Needa Be

I see and feel my physical body changing every day
But some days it seems it is not fast enough
And that still my first puberty it is too visible
But then I notice how my clothes now fit differently
And for a moment I no longer feel so bad

But eventually I will get to where I needa be
And it will take lots and lots of my energy
And yes it will bring me down along the way
But it will also along the way lift me up
And make me feel so much better about being myself

I notice the thoughts in my head changing every day
But some days it seems they are not fast enough
And that still I worry about things like being bullied
But then I realize those are thing from my past
And for a moment I no longer feel so bad

But eventually I will get to where I needa be
And it will take lots and lots of my energy
And yes it will bring me down along the way
But it will also along the way lift me up
And make me feel so much better about being myself

I notice the thoughts in my head changing every day
But some days it seems they are not fast enough
And that still I worry about things like my j-pouch
And I realize that they are not in my past
And for a moment again I do go feel bad

But eventually I will get to where I needa be
And it will take lots and lots of my energy
And yes it will bring me down along the way
But it will also along the way lift me up
And make me feel so much better about being myself

Me Receiving Ample Congruence (Between Mind And Body)

I get all sad and I do cry
When I think of the parts of me
That I can not ever get given back
And the parts I will never be able
Able to grow or have made for me
And it is no longer about having completeness
It is now about me receiving ample congruence
Me receiving ample congruence between mind and body

I Won’t Even Notice What Is Now Down There

They are going to give me
That chance to never again feel
That distress that I get when
I go put on my underwear
It makes me want to adjust
In hopes of making it disappear

They are going to reshape it
So I can begin to feel
No more distress when I go
I go put on my underwear
It will make me not even
Notice what is now down there

They are going to reshape it
Which will greatly help me continue
The process of being comfortable with
My physical form and with others and
When in unfamiliar group settings without
Noticing what is now down there

They are going to give me
That chance to never again feel
That distress that I get when
I go put on my underwear
It makes me want to adjust
In hopes of making it disappear

They are going to reshape it
So I can begin to feel
No more distress when I go
I go put on my underwear
It will make me not even
Notice what is now down there

They are going to reshape it
Which will greatly help me continue
The process of being comfortable with
My physical form and more congruent
With my mind’s thoughts which won’t
Notice what is now down there

I Won’t even notice what is now down there

That Woman She Is Authentically Me

I’m afraid people will see my
Face and how it gives away
The fact I’m not woman enough

I’m afraid people will see my
Breasts and how they give away
The fact I’m not woman enough

I’m afraid people will hear my
Voice and how it gives away
The fact I’m not woman enough

I’m afraid people will fixate on
My shoulders and how they reveal
The fact I’m not woman enough

But truth is lots of people
They see me as the woman
I’m becoming and meant to be

Every single day I’m becoming more
The woman I’m meant to be
And that woman is authentically me

That woman she is authentically me

(She Saw) His Reflection

She saw his reflection staring back at her
It was on her own mirror again today
She uses it to help shave her face
And shaving her face helps her erase him
And he’s the very result of what she
What she did not go do soon enough

She takes her tablets every night after dinner
So she can develop a pair of breasts
She is now going through a second puberty
To distance herself as much as possible from
Him who was a creation put on her
A creation she had a hand in perpetuating

She saw his reflection staring back at her
It was on her own mirror again today…

Go Save Your Life

Nature it made your
Body grow incorrectly so
For you authenticity it
Is not easy it
Is a piece of
Hard work to show
What’s inside your brain
On your own outside
Is scares from when
Nature made your body
Almost go kill you
But doctors and nurses
They saved your life
And they’ll go do
Go do it again
Go save your life
Go save your life

(Feelings of) Gender Dysphoria

She uses a mirror
And a razor to
Try and shave her
Face so very smooth
In the hope this’ll
Get rid of the
Product of the testosterone
But a razor can’t
Get rid of the
Hair it comes back
Every day there’s more
This gives her dysphoria

She uses a mirror
And a patch to
Try and get the
Secondary sex features of
A cisgender woman but
The product of her
First puberty it’ll always
Be there serving as
A bad reminder of
What testosterone has done
To her body’s structure
This gives her dysphoria

She tries to go
Out into the wider
World it can be
A scary place especially
When it judges you
Based on rigid standards
Of binary gender expression
Which it firmly polices
This gives her dysphoria
Feelings of gender dysphoria
Bad crippling feelings of
Feelings of gender dysphoria

Cruel Tricks

Tolled you can be anything
But all you got is
What you have been given
What you have been given

Life can play cruel tricks
It can play cruel tricks
Give you real narrow feet
Give you a skinny wast

Tolled you’re not good enough
But all you got is
What you have been given
What you have been given

You wanna change your hair
You wanna more smother face
Not happy in your body
Not happy in your skin

Tolled you’re not good enough
But all you got is
What you have been given
What you have been given

Afraid they’ll see again that
You’re different so you again
Hide your scares inside you
Hide your scares inside you

Life can play cruel tricks
It can play cruel tricks
Give you real narrow feet
Give you a skinny wast

You wanna change your hair
You wanna more smother face
Not happy in your body
Not happy in your skin