Tag Archives: feelings

I Never Thought I Should Die

I never thought I should die
‘Cause I never thought I knew
What it was to feel ok

And I want to feel what
It is like to feel ok
Ok in this body of mine

My mind has always seemed ok
Till it got signals from my
My body has never felt ok

So soon I am going under
Under the knife to make some
Of my body finally feel ok

It will hurt first then it
It will start to feel insignificant
Insignificant for the first time ever

This will be some sweet relief
Relief that has been long overdue
Long overdue in coming my way

(And That’s Why) I Never Lived As A Girl

If I could’ve been that little girl I was
At home, at school, and at church then what…
What would’ve my life been like, life been like
Would I’ve been more confident, happy, and more authentic
Would I’ve been more authentic, more truly authentically me
And would people have liked me more ‘cause I…
‘Cause I liked myself oh so very much more
Very much more then having to be a boy
I hated being a boy but I hated being…
I hated being bullied at school so much more
And that’s why I never lived as a girl

That Woman She Is Authentically Me

I’m afraid people will see my
Face and how it gives away
The fact I’m not woman enough

I’m afraid people will see my
Breasts and how they give away
The fact I’m not woman enough

I’m afraid people will hear my
Voice and how it gives away
The fact I’m not woman enough

I’m afraid people will fixate on
My shoulders and how they reveal
The fact I’m not woman enough

But truth is lots of people
They see me as the woman
I’m becoming and meant to be

Every single day I’m becoming more
The woman I’m meant to be
And that woman is authentically me

That woman she is authentically me

Announcing, “Various Shades of Blue”!

I am taking a little pause from posting my poetry so I can bring you an announcement. I am proud to announce that my long-awaited third soundscape album called “Various Shades of Blue” has dropped via my Bandcamp microsite (https://devinkiramurphyartist.bandcamp.com/album/various-shades-of-blue).

And Various Shades of Blue is an audio album made up of 12 individual soundscapes which explore many of the feelings that have encompassed my life up to this point (both the good and the bad).

(Feelings of) Gender Dysphoria

She uses a mirror
And a razor to
Try and shave her
Face so very smooth
In the hope this’ll
Get rid of the
Product of the testosterone
But a razor can’t
Get rid of the
Hair it comes back
Every day there’s more
This gives her dysphoria

She uses a mirror
And a patch to
Try and get the
Secondary sex features of
A cisgender woman but
The product of her
First puberty it’ll always
Be there serving as
A bad reminder of
What testosterone has done
To her body’s structure
This gives her dysphoria

She tries to go
Out into the wider
World it can be
A scary place especially
When it judges you
Based on rigid standards
Of binary gender expression
Which it firmly polices
This gives her dysphoria
Feelings of gender dysphoria
Bad crippling feelings of
Feelings of gender dysphoria

Announcing, “Primary”!

I am posing for the moment, from posting my original poetry, to share here with you a new soundscape of mine called “Primary”. It explores the feelings that encompass the initial tentative love of learning that I and many other folks experienced when we where first getting to know the world around us as young children. Primary will be included, in higher quality, as the first track on my upcoming album called Various Shades of Blue which explores many of the feelings that have encompassed my life up to this point (both the good and the bad). Various Shades of Blue will be available, upon release, at: https://devinkiramurphyartist.bandcamp.com/album/v…of-blue. So enjoy having a listen to this soundscape composition, and then come back here to Lyricsofmylife to explore some of the new original poetry that I will be posting in the days to come.