I endured a testosterone driven puberty
One that nearly irrecoverably broke me
But somehow I came out and
Tolled the world I’m transgender female
So now to lessen my dysphoria
Further lessen my crippling gender dysphoria
And bring my more gender congruence
Bring my even more gender congruence
Soon I’ll undergo a breast augmentation
My Ostomy Bag
There is a really good chance that
My ostomy bag it will not stay
Stuck for any length of time to
The skin that surrounds my latest stoma
Necessitating adhesion with some strong skin tape
To keep it from needing to be
Replaced too soon with a new one
I Want My Intestine Healed
I want my intestine healed
So for the third time
They gave me a temporary
Gave me a temporary stoma
Which I cover with an
Cover with an ostomy bag
To collect all of the
The poo that it excretes
And I change it every
Four days or when needed
I want my intestine healed
So I’ll do all that
So when it’s all better
They’ll go revers my temporary
Go revers my temporary stoma
Meaning I’ll be able to
Able to go from my
Go from my bum again
Wanna go from my bum
Go from my bum again
I Don’t Take Estrogen Just To Alleviate My Gender Dysphoria
I don’t take estrogen just to alleviate my gender dysphoria
I also take it to help increase my gender congruence
I don’t just wanna feel not bad about my gender
I also wanna feel it in a way that’s euphoric
I wanna get to a place where my gender it’s
It’s become one less thing that’s constantly nagging at me
My gender it’s one of the things nagging at me
It’s one of the things that’s constantly nagging at me
I don’t take estrogen just to alleviate my gender dysphoria
I also take it to help increase my gender congruence
My Bathroom Trip Was Really Rough
My bathroom trip was really rough
It brought on an anxiety attack
And it emptied me completely out
And when it was all over
I went into the kitchen and
On my smartphone I searched for
Side effects of overdosing on painkillers
I wanted my pain to end
And ‘cause of probable liver damage
I decided to try eating instead
It took me a few hours
To eat even a wee bit
And after I headed off for
Needed sleep on my foam mattress
On the floor in my room
It was the result of having
A j-pouch created due to my
Colon being removed to save me
From ulcerative colitis induced toxic megacolon
My GI Tract Is Wack
My GI tract is wack
But it be more wack
If I didn’t watch the
Things I eat and drink
This knowledge it doesn’t help
Me to feel any better
When I go number two
And it drains me completely
I feel I’d rather be
Less aware of my body
If I could go disassociate
My mind from my body
Then I’d’ve less body dysphoria
And it be way essayer
To be a spontaneous person
Due To Feeling Oh So Very Unsafe
Due to feeling oh so very unsafe
I went though a testosterone driven puberty
So now even if I wanted to
I can’t ever pass or blend in
I instead stand out everywhere I go
Meaning my transgenderness isn’t mine to reveal
It’s always visible for everyone to see
But if I’d felt safe enough then
My first puberty would’ve been estrogen driven
And now if I wanted I could
Go choose to pass and blend in
And wouldn’t stand out everywhere I go
Meaning my transgenderness be mine to reveal
Not always visible for everyone to see
Oh What Should Have I Done
Having kids ain’t in my future
‘Cause I let that ability go
So I’d have more congruence and
Now I love my body more
But also feel bad that I’m
Now just a genetic dead end
But what could have I done
Other then me becoming monetarily rich
Becoming monetarily rich was always really
So very out of my reach
Oh what could have I done
Oh what should have I done
Can’t Go Back To Seven
Can’t go back to seven and
Tell my parents and bother that
I think I’m not a boy
Can’t go back to teenagehood and
Tell my brother’s friend your dream
It’s spot on about my gender
But I can deal with regrets
Go attempt being a happy woman
One with a life worth living
My Journey
Wanna look in my mirror and
See the best of true me
Being reflected in the image that
Is being reflected back at me
That would be so damn sweet
Would be so truly damn sweet
But I gotta keep telling myself
It’s more of a journey then
It ever will be a race
It’ll never ever be a race
‘Cause it’s a long slow crawl
It’s quite a long slow crawl
May never get to a place
One that I can with truth
Say is my destination finally reached
But then there’s my journey and
It’s the best and worst thing
That I’ll ever get to do
Lyricsofmylife 